Dear Diary, Ferret Flu Smells like Poopy

Dear Diary,
Sorry I haven't written in a while. But you have to understand how horrible it is to come down with the Ferret Flu. I know you've heard of this, it's been all over the news. It's like the bird flu, and swine flu, except it comes from ferrets.It all started the other day when Mrs. Petrosky had to pick up some potatoes and kale from the grocery store. Being a sometimes nice lady, she asked Lulu and I if we would like to ride with her to the store. Since we hadn't been off the chicken farm, except to go to Cotton Plains Middle school, in the three weeks that we'd been here we said, "yes ma'am!" We all jumped in the orange truck and drove thirty minutes to the nearest town, which is called New Lazarus-population 897. Well whadyaknow! Right next to the little grocery store with the rusty doors and falling sign, was Timble Gin's Pet Store.

Mr. Gin, as it turns out, was suspected of murder in the late 80's when a lonely old lady was brutally attacked with an apple cutter. They know it was an apple cuter because supposedly the guy that killed her tried to slice her stomach into neat little wedges. Turns out that the lady was very plump and so all it did was slice into her belly fat. She died when the apple slicer was quickly removed, by an unknown guy, causing her to stumble backwards in pain, land on a toy truck that was her grandson's, and roll backwards into the stair banister, flip over it smacking onto a chandelier, and crash to the floor with such momentum that the floorboards caved in around her. However, she didn't die until later that evening, after this unknown guy had runaway, a huge tornado rolled through town. However, she being stuck into the broken pieces of floorboard was unable to seek the appropriate shelter and thus died.

Since the tornado was what killed her the defense of Mr. Gin argued that even if he had been the one to try and cut her belly with an apple slicer, what killed the old lady was the faulty banister which the lady knew about sine she had just recently called a repair man to fix it. Therefore the defense argued the lady committed suicide and Mr. Gin was freed.

And now Mr. Gin owns his very own pet store to which local children are strictly forbidden from entering because the parents fear for their babies' lives. Lulu and I not being local children did not know this. Mrs. Petrosky not feeling the gravitational force to keep us close to her bosoms, did not care to tell us. So naturally, we asked Mrs. Petrosky if we could go play with the puppy inside and pet the cute baby kittens that the white poster in the window said were free, not including tax. After Mrs. Petrosky said yes, we ran into the store like it was a candy shop and saw the parrots, snakes, and even a baby naked mole rat, but we weren't really enthused until we saw the ferrets.

Mr. Gin was pretty nice for a murder suspect. He let us hold the ferrets and told us they were from the native lands of Alaska, or Argentina--something like that, and that they had magical powers to ward off evil spirits. He told us they didn't carry fleas and could even be potty trained to use a liter box. I really wanted one.

But then Mrs. Petrosky came in with her bags of potatoes and kale and said it was time to go and that no we couldn't get a ferret, because ferrets eat chickens. We all climbed back into the orange truck and drove thirty minutes home, leaving the town of New Lazarus--population 897 behind.

It wasn't until I got home the Lulu and I started feelin really horrible. We couldn't eat the potatoes and kale Mrs. Petrosky had fixed for dinner, and it wasn't even because they looked like beetles crushed into green pulp. Our backs begin feelin really awful, like rocks had been jammed inside, and are heads starting feelin like anchors on a ship. Mrs. Petrosky sent us to bed but Mr. Petrosky refused to call the doctor until the next morning to make sure we weren't just trying to get out of feeding the chickens.

Next morning, we we're so sick with the ferret flu we couldn't even lift our arms. Mrs. Petrosky said we smelled like nasty rodents, and said we had to stay home from school until the Doctor said we weren't infected anymore.

So Diary, you see it's not that I didn't want to write in you, it's just my pencil wouldn't stay in my hand.
Have to go,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, Te Quiero Español

Dear Diary,
Hola! Me llamo Bellaray. Me gusten los gatos!

Diary, Diary, Diary! Today this señora, Señora Juanita, came to Cotton Plains Middle School and taught us Spanish! She comes every martes and jueves, which is Tuesday and Thursday, for second period F.U.N. class! F.U.N stands for "Fulfilling Uppermost Necessities." Everyday we have a different F.U.N period that rotates between music, gym, art, and Spanish--my favorite. Did you know that once upon a time Texas was not America, but is was Mexico. I learned this in history. And did you know that Taco Bell is not bonafide Mexican food. Señora Juanita said that not only is taco bell not "authentic," whatever that means, but the cute little small dog that also speaks Spanish is not really a Mexican dog. Señora Juanita said that in Mexico city--which is cool because the city is named after the entire country--no one serves cheese or sour cream on their tacos! But I don't mind because cheese makes my stomach all grumbling because I am "lactose intolerant."

Speaking of tolerance, I think the Petroskys are meat intolerant. That or they're what Auntie Mary Joans calls "vegetarian" because I never see them eat any meat. More so, the other day this hen, Halinka, disappeared and the only clue we had to her disappearance were these canine paw prints imprinted in the mud. What was crazy is that Mr. Petrosky cried and even dug a grave for the bird, and placed her nest inside the grave! Then he told Lulu and I that it was all our fault his chicken had been eaten, because apparently the latch to the hen house had been left unlocked, allowing any creature to push its way inside. Mr. Petrosky became so enraged that he began to speak in the same tongue as Mrs. Petrosky, shouting at her with bites of english like, "orphans", "no good", and "no respect for cooking."

I didn't like his yelling so I silently practiced counting in spanish in my mind. "Uno, dos, tres, cuatro" until I got all the way to treinta-cuatro. Then I started going over the animals we learned today, "el conejito, el gato, el perro." Thankfully by the time I got to days of the week he had calmed down and told us to go finish our homework at our desk in our room. I don't think I have ever been so happy to do homework!

I have to tell you a secret, Diary. Sometimes, late at night when I can't go to sleep, I crumple Miss Brenda's piece of paper with her number written on it, and I pretend that I'm still at her house that smells like Dennys and leather. And I pretend that she didn't call the orphanage, but that she just sent me to a babysitter like Auntie Mary Joans use to do with me. I like to think that when I wake up in the morning, the babysitter will be gone and I'll be at Miss. Brenda's house waiting for her to get back from her second job at the western store--filling up on cinnamon rolls and waiting to go to Wal-Mart.

But every morning I wake up to the smell of sludgy kasha and the crackling alarm of the young rooster.

You're really my best best friend,
Love,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, Welcome to Cotton Plains Middle School

Dear Diary,
Mrs. Petrosky woke Lulu and me up and five-thirty this mornin so that we could catch the school bus at seven forty-five. She needs to go to school too, cause her english is as jagged as a cottonmouth's scales. She says, "Oifwekn a bisl bulbe! Oifwekn! Uup Uup!" I definitely would not have uuped myself out of bed if she hadn't pulled back my covers and opened the curtains. She even started pinchin my cheeks, all the time yellin "foiler bulbe" and stuff that sounded like she was speakin in tounges. I finally got outta bed cause I was afraid she was gonna throw snakes on me or catch on fire or somethin.

I was hungry but Mr. Petroksy was standing in the kitchen, tapping his foot and pointin his finger, "chickenz" he says. So Lulu and I rubbed are eyes and went to the chickens where we proceeded to get our ankles and fingers attacked by angry beaks. We came back, even hungrier, to the smell of roasted coffee and burned porridge. Mrs. Petroksy plopped a spoonful of this nasty looking cow poop into two wooden bowls, slid in in front of Lulu and I and said, "Ayite-tyor kasha." It was better than boiled eggs--that's all I have to say.

It seemed like the whole day had gone by when Lulu and I had finally dressed and boarded the school bus. But the sun was just wakin, even though we were jumpin with all are coffee, and so we sat like all the other kids-quiet and sleepy til we got to school.

Oh my good lordy the school was the nicest thing I'd ever seen! A big brick building with blue metal doors and yellow tile that made me want to permanently reside there. Guess what, Diary, they serve food at school--for free! And it's not that yucky boiled egg and cabbage garbage! At eleven forty-two exactly, Mrs.Kinders makes all the students line up and silently walk into the lunch line where you can get as much food as you want. I got chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, turnip greens, corn on the cob, warm butter bread, and a bag of potato chips cause I like the way they crunch against the top of my mouth.

But you probably wanna know about the kids. I must admit I don't think these children are very nice. Mrs, Kinders made Lulu and I introduce ourselves, and me being the oldest I went first, naturally. I told them I'd runaway from home, where a nice lady named Miss. Brenda brought me home and took me to wal-mart, but then sent me to the orphange where I met Lulu and I was happily in school there until I went to live with these crazy people from Russia that didn't like the color red. Mrs. Kinders didn't even let me talk about the chickens. Anyways, all the other kids laughed and called me a hobo and after that Lulu said she had to throw up, but she didn't really she's just what Sister Kate calls shy.

But i suppose that's all okay cause I quite like being best friends with you and Lulu. Oh yeah, Lulu and I decided we were best friends. No worries, you're my number one best friend.

Mrs. Petrosky is screamin in her tounge-words again. She does that alot when she's burnin dinner.

Farewell,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, I wouldn't Call This a Mansion

Dear Diary,
Guess where I am right now! Yep, I'm sitting on my bed in the Petroskys mansion. Except, I wouldn't exactly call this a mansion. Mansions are supposed to have big windows and drive-thru driveways, and moats around the entire house. This house doesn't have any of that. Mrs. Petrosky wears this scarf over her head all the time and doesn't wear any makeup. Mr. Petrosky wears overalls and a plaid shirt. They look a little bit silly, but I guess that's how people from Russia are. Oh, They're from Russia. They told me that they "Come to America to make better life for zemselves" and get away from the color red or something. But I really don't understand how you can runaway from a color. I mean even the chickens on their chicken farm have red in them. Yes ma'am these people have a chicken farm! Right when they drove their old orange truck up to the house, Mr. Petrosky says to Lulu and I, cause they took Lulu too, "I show you chickens."

He didn't just show us his chickens. He introduced us to each hen and rooster. "zis von iz Gala, zis von iz Dima, zis von is Halinka, zis von is Igorek" I was like holy lord please speak english! And then Mr. Petrosky showed us how to collect the eggs from the hens without them getting aggressive, and how to take the dirty shavings and replace them with clean shavings, and how to feed the birds without them pecking each others eye balls out. And all this has to be done twice a day so that the birds feel well enough to produce "vonderful vite eegs."

After Lulu and I learned about stupid chickens the Petroskys made lunch, but I don't think Mrs. Petrosky really knows how to cook. She made boiled eggs with pickled cabbage and put a big vile of vodka in the middle of the table. Lulu and I looked at each other, both thinking, "where's the fried chicken and green beans." I was hungry so I picked around at an egg but only ate the white part.

Well, Dinner wasn't much better, and after dinner Lulu and I had to go check on the chickens again. Except without Mr. Petrosky. I don't think those hens like us very much. When we tried to take their eggs they pecked our fingers, and when we tried to rake out the dirty straw they attacked our ankles.

But tomorrow Lulu and I get to go to a real school for the town's children! I'm going to wear my new clothes from wal-mart and bring my purse. I am even going into middle school, sixth grade, with Lulu. Lulu is the right age for sixth grade, but I'm just not smart enough yet to go into high school. But that's okay with me because I've never been to sixth grade before and I sure would hate to miss it.

Diary, I have to turn out the lights now, Lulu really wants to go to sleep. I can't wait to tell you all about school.

Love,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, I'm Getting A Home

Dear Diary,
Today I had to wake up extra early and take a shower because these people are coming to look at me. And if they like me guess what, Diary, they are going to take me home to their big beautiful mansion and serve me snails and fish eggs--Lulu said that's what rich people eat. Oh, and their names are the Petroskys and they don't have any kids. Mr. Dimmelkanops said that they are not able to have kids and that's why they are coming to look at me! Oh lordy Jesus I am so Happy I could just pee in my pants! I can't believe I might get both a Mamma and Daddy in one day!

Oh my gosh they're here!
Bye Diary,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, Hello Gorgeous

Dear Diary,
Oh my good lord guess what! Today Mr. Dimmelkanops took me to get my hair cut! And it wasn't like when I get my hair cut at Magnolia Woods where Erma Mae gets out the kitchen scissors and cuts off my hair at my shoulders. This was a bonafide hairdresser. I bet you didn't even know I knew that word, bonafide. Sister Kate taught it to me today when I told her I liked this place. She said "Yes, my dear Bella(It really annoys me when she doesn't call me by my full name), this is a bonafide residence for children whom are less fortunate than others." I didn't really understand that so then she said, "A bonafide orphan home--we get are cost covered by the government" I still didn't understand her so I asked what bonafried meant and she said, "B-O-N-A-F-I-D-E. Bonafide, real." Well I just thought that was the stupidest word in the world. I mean I ain't a plastic doll am I? Of course this place is bonafide, we're eatin, breathin boys and girls.

Anyways, Erma Mae is most certainly not a bonafide hairdresser. She always leaves my hair all snaggedy and uneven at the ends. The hairdresser I went to, Candy Westin, looked like her name. Her hair was a poofy mound of teased blond hair and she had purple and green eyeshadow on and yellow nails to match her blue and yellow top against her navy trouser pants. At first I thought she was tall, but it turns out she was just wearin these like steps on her feet, these great hot pink shoes with little pointy heels that pinched her toes into a triangular point.

It looked painful but she said they were her most comfortable pair. And then she began to cut my long mouse brown hair that looked like tangled yarn. When she was finished I looked so good. It was short, she called it a bob, but it rounded it out my skinny cheeks and made my greens eyes pop like the stuff all the girls at Magnolia Woods drink on New Years.

Before Mr. Dimmelkanops drove me back to the orphanage, Candy took out this sticky pink stuff and put it on my lips and made me look pretty. I quite liked lookin in the mirror. That is till Mr. Dimmelkanops said we had to get back before Dinner. Oh ma good lord dinner is always get in the way of my good times.

Dinner was disgusting. Dinner was not bonafide. Dinner was the same nasty meat I've had since I've been here, and that's been a whole week! But that's okay, I have a friend now, her name is Lulu Begopsy, and after dinner Lulu and I like to sit sorta by the TV but not really close enough to watch it, and make up little stories as we color people and animals with crayons.

Don't worry, Diary, you're still my best friend. But I sure am glad to have Lulu. Well, Lulu's done using the bathroom so we're gonna go sit sorta by the TV. Bye Diary!

Truly,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, Dentist Gloves Taste like Strawberries

Dear Diary,
I went to the dentist for the first time today! After breakfast Mr. Dimmelkanops said he'd made an appointment to get my teeth checked! The dentist office was beige and uncomfortable chairs lined the waiting room, along with magazines. But after a few moments of waiting, this pretty brunette lady opened the door and called my name! I followed her to this back room where they had these weird chairs that I had to lay all the way back on with this bright light shining in my face. Then the pretty brunette nurse asked me what flavor toothpaste I wanted: grape, cherry, bubblegum, or mint. I was so overwhelmed that I chose mint because that is the flavor of my toothpaste at home. But chimney crickets i wish i had gotten bubblegum!

After the lady cleaned out my teeth this skinny bald man came over and slapped on some latex gloves before sticking his fingers in my mouth. Then he started asking me about school and did my summer go. Luckily his hand was in my mouth so I couldn't answer, because I sure don't know what I would've told him.

After a few minutes the dentist says, "You have three cavities--I'm gonna go ahead a fill them." Well I said okay cause ya know I figured he was a doctor and all and doctors are usually real good at whatever they do. But om my gosh, Diary, he turned my feelin off--said he was numbin my mouth but I think he used to much of it cause it's been three hours and I can't feel my face! Anyways, when you have to get your cavities filled they put this thing on your face with the air coming out of it. The dentist said it was laughin gas but I know the truth. It was a pig nose so that they can laugh at me lookin like a pig and I wasn't able to know the difference cause I was laughin too.

After I got my cavaties filled I got to pick out a toy from a toy chest. I felt silly, me bein fifteen and all. But I got this cute little ring that I'm wearing on my pinky finger right now. I have to wear it on that finger cause the ring is really small.

I've been workin really hard on learnin to read, not only can I now spell my name but I can read a whole chapter book, the kind for level three when your first learning to read. Sister Kate, who really is Sister Kathryn's sister, said I was doin so well that next week she's movin me up to second grade! I am probably the smartest, tallest, and certainly the only whore in my class.

I guess this place isn't so bad. Ouch! I just bit my tongue, but oh I guess that means the Doctor didn't screw up after all! Yay, my tongue my tongue! I'm gonna go look in the mirror and see if i'm bleedin.

So Long,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, I Don't like Their Church

Dear Diary,
Family services came to get me today. A big man with grizzly beard got out of this old honda accord and said, "You must be Ms. Dave" and I told him he was wrong because no one has ever called me Miss before. Before I got into the car with him, I gave Ms. Brenda a big hug and thanked her a million times for taking me to Wal-Mart and giving me a plastic bag to put my clothes in and buying me this adorable purse to put you, my diary in. And she handed me a peice of paper with twelve numbers scribbled on it and said if I ever ran into any trouble to give her a call on this number. She said she didn't have a cell phone but that she checked her messages everyday. I thought that was pretty cool cause no one has ever given me their number before. Darcy Lou and Meema you to talk about all the numbers boys gave them after they were finished workin, but they always threw them away. I'm not throwin Ms. Brenda's number away ever.

The car ride to church was long and hot. The man, Mr. Dimmelkanops, apologized for not having working air in his car, but the open windows hardly helped since it was like 10000 degrees outside. We finally arrived at this big ugly white building with a woman holding a cross on the front, and he said we had arrived. I told him this was the ugliest church i'd ever seen and he said, "Ms. Dave, this is no church, girl. This is a home for orphans." Well I thought that was silly that we were takin all the orphans to family church, but he took me inside and registered me and then told me I could go play with the other kids. I yelled at him and said church is no place for horseplay, cause Auntie Mary Joans always pinches me when I start fiddlin around in church, but he said, "Girl, this is your home now."

Well I didn't appreciate that at all. So I sat down in a chair where this big box had flashin images and noise coming from it. I asked one of the girls what it was and she looked at me like i was crazy and said, "Stupid, it's a TV!" and then she rushed away to play with some other girl, but that's okay. I'm really to old to play anyways so I'd rather just sit. Which is what I did until some lady wearing black and a white cap came out. I got so excited because I'd only read about nuns but never seen one. I'd love to be one someday, but that'll never probably happen because I don't know many whores that are nuns.

The nun said, "Hello child, my name is Sister Kathryn, what is your name?" And I told her and then she took me into this room with lines of chairs and a big black chalkboard and sat me down in the front row. She started writing stuff on the board and called on other kids in other chairs to read them out, but when she called on me I told her this was my first day of school and that I didn't know how to read.

Real quick she pulled me up and took me to another room with little kids with snotty noses and big block letters. I asked her where was I now, and she said, "1st grade." Which when you think about, really only makes sense because you have to start at one before you can get to all the other grades. I'm even going to learn to read!

Well Diary, free time is up and the bell is ringing for dinner. I just hope it's not that awful tasting meat we had for lunch.

Hugs,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, I went to Wal-Mart for the First time Ever

Dear Diary,
I wish you could have been there to see the fabulous place! Miss. Brenda came home right at four and said, "Sorry Apple Crisp, I had to go to work and didn't want to wake you." Turns out she has two jobs! She works at night like the girls at Magnolia Woods, but she also works at the Wild West Outlet Store where she sells cowboys boots, leather belts, big stetson hats, and more--all having to do with western stuff! And after she had herself two cups of coffee with two spoons of sugar and one drop milk, guess where we went! No, not Custard Last Ice Cream Stand silly, that place is back by Magnolia Woods! We went to Wal-Mart! Oh, my inside are smiling just thinkin about it.

Wal-Mart is like a big wishin store. There's all the people there and it's like they wish they had something and then go to a designated isle and POOF their wish comes true! I wished for a white padded bra and matching lace underwear and POOF. And then I wished for a pink blouse with low rise jeans and white sandals. POOF. And then I wished real hard for pens, and stickers, and white out fo mistakes, and a purse to put you in. POOF POOF POOF.

If you had eyes, Diary, you'd see how pretty this purse is. It's my first purse--ever! It is purple with a long cloth strap that I can hang on my shoulder or cross over my chest. The body of the purse has pink flowers with green leaves on it. It holds all my writin supplies. Miss. Brenda said I should get pencils with erasers instead of pens, so I got these pencils with Lisa Frank written on them. They have kittens and puppies smiling on them. I even got a sharpener for when the pencil gets flat and I have to make it sharp again.

Miss. Brenda is a real good lady. When we got home, before she had to go in to Dennys, I mustered up the courage and asked her to be my Mama. She got kinda quiet, like when a adult has to tell a little kid someone died, and took me by the shoulder and said, "Banana Puddin, I can't be your Mommy. Actually I was going to tell you this but didn't know how, but I called Family Services today at work and they're gonna come pick you up tomorrow."

I told her that was awesome, that I'd never gone with a family to a church service before, and that that was the best thing that anyone had ever done for me.

Well, Diary, it's almost ten in the morning now, and Family Services should be here any minute so I gotta go. I really love you and I can't wait to tell you all about church! Except I've never been to church on Tuesday before. Oh well, maybe this is what Auntie Mary Joans calls a technologically advanced city, and maybe here they are so advanced that they have church on weekdays!

Kisses,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, Dennys is Awesome

Dear Diary,
Her name is Miss.Brenda, ya know the waitress from last night. She took me home with her! I was at Dennys for so long, just sittin there, cause I didn't have any other place to go, ya know. So Ms. Brenda, I didn't know that was her name yet though, came over and said, "Honey bear where's ya ride?" I told her I didn't have no ride coming for me, that I had runaway and there wasn't a soul in the world that was gonna care.

Logically, she asked, "Well cookie cream why'd you go off and run away?"

I started to open my mouth, but then I got kinda scared, like the scared you get when you just realized you're all alone in a pitch black room with things that want to hurt you. I told her I couldn't tell her right yet, but that if it was okay I'd like to just go to sleep on the Denny's booth. I said I wouldn't cause any trouble or steal any food. And this was the truth cause I was a stuffed turkey after eatin the pancakes, eggs, and bacon with orange juice.

To my surprise Ms. Brenda said, "Turtle Dove, this is no place for a child. You're comin home with me."

Oh lord, Diary, I was so excited to be going home with this nice lady I almost peed in my pants. But I didn't because then she probably wouldn't have wanted me anymore. Diary, would you believe this lady had a big old pink Cadillac with maroon seats and a brown steering wheel! I'd never seen such a car. When we finally arrived at her house it was seven in the mornin, so I could see her big front yard with red roses drawing up her house like upside down rain. The inside of her house smelled like dennys and leather.

She was leading me into a bathroom, handing me towels and a bar of soap when she said, "Oh by the way caramel mousse, Ma name is Brenda, I never been married so call me Miss. Brenda. Alright, now you take a shower and then I'll show ya to yer room.

I'd never taken a shower in another person's house before. So I didn't really feel comfortable takin off my bra and underwear so I just showered in it. When I got out of the shower and called Miss Brenda, she said that wouldn't do and that I'd have to put on a fresh pair of both. I wanted to cry, I told her I didn't have another pair, that all I had in this whole world was you, my diary. She went to her room and brought me back a large t-shirt and some gym shirts with the built in underwear and said that after she took a nap we was gonna have to go to wal-mart and get me some new clothes.

Oh thank you jesus, our heavenly father! I get to by real clothes with a real woman that I'm going to pretend is ma Mama!

After I had on these big clothes that swallowed my skinny elbows and knees, she took me to this bedroom with a green bed and navy wall. Sport teams hung over the wall like flies to garbage. I asked her if she liked sports, alot, but she said, "Oh, no sugar pie, this is my son's room. Well he's off and gone now. He lives in Florida which is where I'm gonna live as soon as I can make enough money."

Even though it was light outside, I curled up under the awful green sheets and went to sleep. When I woke up Miss.Brenda was gone but there was a note on the table. I couldn't read it but I saw the number four, and figured she had gone out and would be back around then. That's what Auntie Mary Joans always did, wrote down a number on a pink sticky note and that was the time I had to return to my room for the evening. So around four, Miss. Brenda would return to her room and then I would see her.

Mmm, I smell cinnamon rolls. I think they're on the stove so I'm gonna go and get one. Bye Diary!

With all my heart,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, That Man Wasn't Very Nice At All

Dear Diary,
I still had my stomach ache when the nice man from dairy queen helped me into his truck. He said he was trucking Angel Food Ice Cream from Memphis to Little Rock, but the front part of the truck was so hot I'm pretty sure it was soup by now. The man said his name was Daryl and that he was from a long line of dairy farmers but hated cows. Diary, if he hates cows so much what is he doing with cold cow cream? I guess he only hated the smell, and I don't blame him one bit.

One thing I learned at Magnolia Woods is that cows stink! I mean I didn't learn that inside the house. Our neighbors, the Frittles, have cows on their property. But not for dairy. They were meat cows, the kind you get in a fancy restaurant, like McDonalds.

Anyways so Daryl and I were in the truck, and he was driving like ninety miles an hour! And he goes, "So kid tell me more about ya"

Well, I started telling him about Auntie Mary Joans and how when I was just a baby fresh from the womb my Mama ran away to El Paso, and left me with nothing--not even a diaper. And how she always stuffed herself into skirts to tight so that her belly flopped over like dough with her watermelon bosoms flopping around like loose change. I told him how I was the youngest girl in the house, how all the other girls dressed me up with feather boa's and church hats, and how I used to slide around in their high heals with my toddler toes, how they use to make me up with rosy cheeks and pink lips. I told him how one day, when I was old enough to read, like five, I found a stray kitten and brought it home, but that Auntie Mary Joans was so mad she threatened to drop it in the washin machine--and that made me so scared that I pushed the cat under the barb wire of the Frittles cow farm. I thought i saved the cat until i heard Darcy Lou talking about this cat the Frittles found that their bull has stomped to death. I told him how I cried so much that Darcy Lou came into my room early one night, when I was going to bed and she was gearing for work, and she petted my hair and soothed me to sleep. But that the next morning when I tried to hold her hand at church, she slapped it away and said she wasn't nobody's Mamma and didn't want to be.

Finally Daryl told me to shut up or he was gonna push me out the truck door, he said he wasn't even gonna stop--he was just gonna reach over, open, and push. I must admit that did shut me up. For about two minutes.

But I just had to know about the picture of two smiling kids and a pretty blond woman. I asked daryl, "Who're they?"

He told me to mind my own beeswax, but I asked again with a purdy please, so he told me.

"My ex-wife and ma babies"

I got real excited for some reason cause I never had a daddy and so I got real stupid and asked if Daryl would be my daddy cause I never had one. Now, Dairy, this was a mistake cause Daryl turned off at the next exit and told me to get out at the Dennys. He said he didn't have time for any charities and I was no exception. He pulled a five dollar bill out of his wallet and told me to get out of his truck. I closed the door to him muttering about, "That's what he gets for trying to do one nice thing, and that this was the last time."

So Diary, now I'm sitting at Dennys in a booth by myself. The waitress is real nice and when I told her that no, I didn't have no parents, that I was running away, she brought me pancakes and eggs with orange juice and bacon and told me I didn't have to pay a thing. Maybe I should ask her to be ma Mamma!

Oh shoot, I just spilt some orange juice on yer clean page! I do apologize. Guess I better put you away. Bye diary!

Love you,
Bellaray Dave

Dear Diary, Today I Ran Away

Dear Diary,

Wow, I guess this is my first time writing in you. Auntie Mary Joans gave you to me last Christmas but I lost you in my shirt drawer. I think I put you in there while carrying my new black ruffle sleeves shirt upstairs. On the way up the stairs, Auntie Mary Joans screamed, "Take your new diary up with ya so ya can write down what ya got for Christmas." Well, diary, you and my black lacy top are what I got. 'Cept, I lost my black lacy top, I think Meema or Darcy Lou borrowed it one night and never gave it back. They always do stuff like that. But, Diary, that' not why I ran away.

Ya know, Diary, I used to be a real ugly thing. Auntie Mary Joans said if I didn't keep my hair long, and put mascara on my lashes, people would think I was a boy! Until I hit what Auntie calls puberty. Then, oh lordy, Auntie Mary Joans called me the ugly ducklin gone swan! She's so crazy, I just don't know where she get's these names from! Anyways, she goes out and buys me church dresses, and nice pattened shoes and lipgloss, and my first bra-- I was very excited. But then I got so grown up Auntie says it's time for me to start earnin my keep at Magnolia Woods.

I'm a little embarrassed to tell you, Diary, Auntie Mary Joans isn't even my real aunt! Ya see, Magnolia Woods is a whore house so that means everyone livin in Magnolia Woods Manor, which I would hardly say is a manor, is a whore. My mamma was a whore, but I never knew her. That's why I live with Auntie Mary Joans, who like I said isn't even my real Auntie. I just call her that cause that's what Darcy Lou, Meema, and all the other girls call her.

So like I said diary, I ran away from that place! I don't know what I'm gonna do but...well what can I do? I'm only fifteen and I ain't never been inside a classroom in my whole entire life! Well, I stole ten dollars from Gretta's underwear drawer. I know it's bad and I know god is gonna send me to hell for stealin but I just needed to by a bus ticket and I didn't know how much it would cost. Turns out the greyhound is pretty expensive so I stole for nothin!

If I die tonight, Diary, I'm inside the dairy queen next to the highway. I don't know which highway. I bought a chocolate dipped cone for dinner and now I have a stomach ache because what Meema calls "lactose intolerance." Oh cowutters! But on the flip side, this nice man, who actually looks a little bit creepy, offered to take me up to a place called Little Rock, but that's as far as he's going so hopefully the rock will be big enough for the both of us.

I have to go now Diary, the nice man is waving for me to come! by Diary!!!

p.s. I think you're my only friend, so that makes us best friends.

love,
Bellaray Dave